The New Valentine’s Day
The Heartwaker’s Club, with Zaeli
The wheel of the year turns to the end of harvest season, invoking homages to the Reaper and the death that winter brings. This October, consider Halloween not just a quirky holiday, but a prompt to examine relationships.
What in the world could Halloween teach you about romance?
Consider its roots. Halloween is a time to un-repress notions of death (dress up like a zombie), our gory constitution (dress up like a mauled zombie), and sexuality (dress up like a sexy mauled zombie), and mock the fear that shrouds mortality from consciousness.
Halloween invites us to party with deep taboos.
And that’s exactly the kind of courage we must practice to achieve greater intimacy in relationships.
Aversion to facing death is an aversion to endings in general, and the unknown that follows. We prefer what we know and want the thing we love to last forever. Alas, this isn’t nature’s way. Dressing up as ghosts, or honoring ancestors with Día de los Muertos, acknowledges all life that’s moved out of the way to make room for ours.
Accepting life’s need for death is deep spiritual work, as is accepting the value of relationships that cease to be what we had planned for them. The demise of a romance doesn’t make it less real, or not worth it. Light a candle for each person you once loved, even if they hurt you. Give thanks for good times, lessons learned, freedom to move in new directions with new hearts.
Blood and gore also come to your doorstep on Halloween. It’s shocking to see innards out in the open, how messy they really are, strange to be reminded bodies aren’t contained by definitive boundaries – they bleed, they come apart. We like to think we’re each a discrete being, even though on quantum and spiritual levels that’s long debunked. We’re all made of the same stuff, one life force swapping costumes. Focusing on that builds compassion, from which honesty and forgiveness arise.
Halloween celebrates the trickster, a mischievous folktale archetype maintaining cosmic balance by smashing pumpkins on your porch. Every relationship tangles with tricksters – when it happens, try to react good-naturedly, knowing no one gets a smooth ride start to finish. Bypass blaming and just help each other clean up.
After all, getting a bit messy never killed anyone.
Zaeli is a love coach specializing in open and custom-chartered relationships, helping bring consciousness and intention to your romantic life. Free first meeting. firstname.lastname@example.org, (818) 293-5492, or www.ZAELI.net